Shhh… It’s a secret. Or is it? Fact is, women fantasise, but in most instances, we are implicitly and explicitly taught to keep our sexual desires to ourselves. Appearing “too sexual” or being vocal about what we want has been seen as risky and having the potential to give people the wrong idea. This relates to the virgin-whore archetypal dynamic that we are lumped with. But fortunately, women today are embracing sex-positive, empowered and sexy archetypes where there is no shame of sexuality or desire.

Fantasies are a normal and healthy part of our sexuality. They are either taken from past experiences or may even be entirely imaginary. Sometimes these fantasies are a way of exploring what is seen to be socially taboo. Research shows that women fantasise about a wide range of situations and experiences which are intense and passionate.

A 2014 Journal of Sexual Medicine published a study which revealed that top sexual fantasies amongst women were: sex in unusual places, being dominated and group sex with three or more people. In 2017, Refinery29 (an American multinational digital media and entertainment website focused on young women) collected the fantasies women had, and while some fell into similar categories, new ones cropped up, including voyeurism, exhibitionism and having sex with someone you know, like a co-worker.

Submission and domination fantasies are common among both genders, the Journal of Sexual Medicine reports. In more conservative, traditional environments, women are often catering to the needs of their male partners, and this extends into the bedroom. The fantasy of being in control of what we are experiencing and of controlling our partner’s experience is therefore one of the hottest fantasies. That idea of control and domination, of being able to take back the reins from a society that prizes heteronormative, gendered roles even during sex, extends into kink and BDSM.

One popular fantasy is being the man for one night… literally: Acting as and dressing up like a man and even including a strap-on penis. This fantasy can play out in any or all of the following:

  • dominating a man by spanking him
  • ordering him to perform certain sexual acts
  • making him beg for what he wants

Whatever your fantasy is, whether it involves a group of bodies, getting it on with other women, sex in public places, we say Embrace your Pleasure. And please do share your fantasies – Break the taboo and talk about it. Make space for women to express all that they are!